Went into 1 Best today all ready to punish them for not handing in their books last week.

After they wished me, I did not let them sit back down, but made them stand as I returned all the books. I didn’t care, boy or girl, I made them stand. I hate to say it, but I repeated myself again—mini lecture. Sigh. I’m turning into my worst nightmare! T.T

Anyway, it was for their own good. If I didn’t punish them, then when will they ever learn? Still, I offered them countless opportunities to participate in class, and if they could answer the questions, I allowed them to sit.

I actually made time in my lesson today to make sure they had all their books out and that they pasted all their handouts and worksheets I’d given them into their books, immediately, as I watched. Otherwise, it was going to get lost again =.=

But, of course, there were all the same problems that they’ve been having since the first week back after the holidays: they forgot to bring their books, they pasted the handouts in the wrong books, and they were asking me questions to which I had answered and informed them UMPTEEN times! Seriously!

After teaching them for 3 weeks, they were still asking me, “Cikgu, journal tu apa?” and “Teacher, Literature is the long or small book?”

I remember specifically telling them all these things and MORE weeks ago! I even listed down everything they were supposed to have done complete with the dates and the titles. They were just NOT BOTHERED to even care if they had everything complete in their books. They freakin’ don’t care.

I gave them a shelling. AGAIN.

By the end of it, again, I was so tired and exhausted from repeating myself, and also for punishing them (I don’t feel good when I do that—some of them really stood for almost 2 periods).

But the final straw? A boy kept saying, “Cikgu, dah habis masa!” and all of them had their bags packed and were already half-way out the door before I had even moved to the teacher’s table to keep my things. Some students mumbled, “Thank you, teacher.” Some didn’t even bother.

It was probably a bad day already, and I was in a bad mood, plus I was really tired and fed-up, that I yelled at them, “NO! ALL OF YOU, SIT DOWN! DO YOU KNOW HOW DISRESPECTFUL THIS IS TO YOUR TEACHER??!” I made them all sit down. “I know it’s time to go home, Cikgu masa dah habis, I DON’T CARE. Can’t you spend even two seconds to stand up, wish the teacher properly before you pack your bag and go?”

I was really angry. Probably bad timing as well. But still. If they were doing this to other teachers, that isn’t right either. I thought I might as well scold everything there is to scold till there’s nothing left. So, I said, “YOU STAY HERE UNTIL 2.30 PM.” (They were supposed to leave at 1.50 pm for solat.) I didn’t care. I stood there and stared at all their silent faces. Sternly, of course. I stood there till 2.00+ pm.

I told them, no more. If it happens again, they’re going back at 5.00pm, like me. I’ll gladly stay there and wait with them. >.<

Sigh. Maybe I was a bit too harsh, but I was really fed-up of not being respected as a teacher, in all these little little things, you know? They all add up, and they tell me how you see me: not as a teacher, that’s for sure >.< And I didn’t like that, not one bit.

After the scolding, and I finally let them off, one of the girls actually came up to me after class and asked, “Teacher, can I give you a hug?” (And she really did! @.@) I was like, “Um, why?” She told me, “Teacher, sorry banyak-banyak sebab kecewakan Cikgu. Betul-betul rasa sangat bersalah.” She was definitely one of those girls whom I noticed did really have a guilty face. In fact, a whole bunch of the girls stayed back to salam and really apologize for today. My heart softened. I mean, I was only mad with them cos I want them to be better, I don’t want to have to deal with all these petty problems anymore. Not because I hate them or dislike them. I really do sayang them. So it pains me to have to scold them or punish them like this 😦

She told me she could tell that I was sad and hurt to have to do all this. And she feels really guilty, and apologized on behalf of the class. I was touched, and I thanked her, for even feeling guilty about it. Because frankly, I can tell you that even after all this, I bet you there are still some of them who feel absolutely nothing. That’s a fact.

To end, one of the boys (who did the best in the March mid-term test) followed me out of the classroom and asked me, very timidly, “Teacher….what happened?”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

There are still some students who have the right attitude—there is hope for them. And for these students, I will still work and try my best to be the best teacher that I can be.

Minus all the nagging, hopefully. :/


p.s: First class with 1 Buck tomorrow! New tag up soon—with new “adventures” in a new class! 😉